I have kept going with the green smoothies and fruit, but on Friday I made a raw chocolate pie to eat over the weekend because I knew I would need some extra protein while working in the garden and on a construction project. The pie was absolutely delicious and reminded me that I don't need sugar at all. I didn't write down the recipe as I was making it (sorry!) but it mostly consists of soaked cashews, cacao, banana, raw honey, coconut butter and coconut juice, with a crust of almonds and dates. That's a lotta nuts!
So I thought I would be just fine with two quarts of green smoothie, the chocolate pie, and some seaweed, apples and bananas to snack on. But I made the mistake of forgetting to eat every couple of hours which is necessary on a raw food diet. I let myself go too far and get too weak before making a move to get some food, at which point I was panicking and feeling like the food I brought wasn't going to make me feel better. The sun was going down (this was Saturday, 3/30) and all I could think about was roasted chicken. I told my boyfriend I just had to have some roasted chicken, I was freaking out. He supported me in giving my body what it needed and told me that it was ok, I was not being a hypocrite like I said I was. I was judging myself for wanting meat, saying that I was weak and couldn't last a few days without it. He explained that my physical activity level that day was at least four times more than usual and it was completely understandable that my body would be asking for some animal protein. We were at my property in the country and the nearest place to get some reasonably-healthy chicken was Safeway, which sells what they call a "Natural Chicken". I know that this is largely a racket, but at least it has no antibiotics or hormones and they don't use MSG in the seasoning mix or inject the meat with weird stuff. I had a hard time remembering how to get to the Safeway and got lost in the movie theater parking lot (which ended up being a good thing because we decided to go see a movie after getting the chicken). I was so ungrounded and emotionally unstable from being so depleted that I was in tears by the time we reached the grocery store. I went in an got a chicken and some olives and marinated mushrooms from the deli. We drove back to the movie theater parking lot and dug into the chicken right there in the car with a Leatherman tool and a plastic fork. Within minutes my heart stopped racing, I calmed down and everything smoothed over. My whole being felt balanced and satiated. I knew I had done the right thing, and had to do quite a bit of work to process all that judgment I was casting on myself for "giving up" on raw food.
The next day, I had my smoothie and a some pie in the morning, got to work again on a shed we are reconstructing. When I took a break to have some more food, I reached for the chicken, because I knew I was about to head over to the garden where I would be moving some soil and hacking roots out of the ground. This time I was prepared--I fueled myself with the animal protein and that lasted me hours with no hunger, cravings for carbs or weakness. Later that evening I had an orange and some seaweed and then some juice late at night.
Today I weighed myself and was sad to see that I had not lost more than a pound or two. In the past, any time I fasted on juice or even smoothies for a day or two, I would drop several pounds of water and then start burning fat. I suspect there is something hormonally wrong with me--something is interfering with my body's ability to burn fat. I worked like a horse all weekend and still weigh pretty much the same. Is my body in starvation mode and holding on to every ounce of fat for dear life? I ate a bit more chicken today and green smoothies the rest of the day, until just a little while ago when I felt cold and had half an avocado spread on three flax crackers (I did write down the recipe for these and will post that when I can find it). I am hungry at this moment so I am going to have another glass of smoothie or maybe an apple. I am getting used to letting myself be a little bit hungry but I will not let myself fall apart like I did on Saturday. That may have been what caused my body to go into starvation mode. I must keep my metabolism fired by eating every couple of hours. My nutrition coach told me that I should be eating six times a day and it's just not something I'm used to. I have to break the old bad habit of waiting until I'm super hungry and then overeating. That is what slows everything down.
Anyway, I hope that this report is useful to somebody out there. I'm going to have some green tea to warm up and quiet my hunger.
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